Elf Letter

Dearest You,

Why, hello!!! 
Allow me to introduce myself: 
I am 
your very own 
personal 
Shelf Elf.

That's right, I've leapt through the Cosmic Keyhole 
into this wacky, wild world
just especially to cheer you on and cheer you up.
To tell you incessantly
how remarkably wonderful you are,
how love is the true glue of all things,
how you must always remember to laugh and look up at the stars.
To listen to
your worst jokes,
your wildest dreams, 
your deepest heartaches,
your fondest wishes.
To generally
applaud you and unconditionally
accept and 
adore you.

Oh. One small thing -- 
-- if you would, please, whatever you do -- Name me.
Yes, most important. Not a threat, really, but, it's just that, well --
-- you see I am, after all, an Elf.
And that whole Mischief Rumor you've heard tell about Elves is, 
well, absolutely true.
And, well, Nature being what it is, of course, if you don't Name me
(a Name that makes you laugh or smile -- it'll come, don't fret),
I will, of course, feel, well -- unwelcome, naturally, and 
I will, of course, feel bored, and -- being thought to be inanimate 
I will, of course, naturally begin to, well -- Act Out.
Oh, nothing terrifying really -- just 
the merry pilfering of small, insignificant household items.
Like pens. Ahhh, pens! How I adore them!
Especially when you've just put one down, just there, 
and then, you turn to look, and it's not there?
And then, you turn everything upside down to look, 
and then it is there, after all that?
Well, the frequency of those sorts of incidents tend to, 
well, rise exponentially with an un-Named Elf in the house.
Car keys gone missing just when you're in a rush,
the other shoe, the scissors, the tape, the bag --
-- I can't help it, I just find that sort of thing so hilarious!
But, again, that's only when I feel lonely and un-loved 
and am though of as a dust-collecting Thing.
You understand, I'm sure.
But when you Name me (which I know you will),
I am ever your partner and ardent fan.
I am ever your keeper of soul secrets and heart's desires.
I am ever your constant friend in all weathers 
who promises to help you weather the constant storms of fools.

...and so, you see, this is sort of the sort of 
thing I'd say to your loved one, very particularly, 
if you were giving them one of my tribe as a gift.
That is, if you chose to have me say anything at all.
I'd be glad to, but I don't have to: you can do the talking for us both.

And so, here I am
and there you go.

I bid you --
-- yes, you most singularly -- 
the very happiest of trails and 
the very sweetest of dreams.

I am 
most respectfully 
your very own
personal


Shelf Elf